Mostly I'm good. I have not become a gym rat, or lost tons of weight. I have thoroughly enjoyed ditching the vitamin regimen (temporarily). I have had moments of feeling like my old self, my pre-TTC, non-obsessed self. It has been kind of shocking to realize how much time I filled with (and how much worrying while) obsessing about TTC.
In the last week or so, though, I've gotten really sad when I've seen pregnant strangers. Somehow it's harder to see the success of these random women when I'm not actively trying. I feel so out of it. Waiting 'til January to start again seems like a long time. But this is where I am. I'm sorry I'm not reading and commenting on blogs. It's partly because I'm working so much more. It's mostly because it is part of the non-obsessing pact that I have with myself. I am curious about all of you, and miss you terribly, actually. But my G.oogle R.eader is like a vortex of time sucking hell. See, when I'm not traveling, I work from home. I freelance. And when I'm obsessing about TTC, I spend all my time on the blogs. And right now, I can't. I just can't. I don't know if I'm jealous of those of you who are still at it. Or scared that I'm being passed by. Or just trying to be disciplined about how I spend my time. But I'm hiding. It's so strange how the TTC blogging community is both a godsend, an unbelievable support, and yet has been (for me) also a place that I can get stuck, and a way to not be fully rounded, but to be only about TTC.
So, anyway. Just sticking my head up to say I'm ok, if silent. And to say sorry for the blog-avoidance, being-a-bad friend thing. And to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. And may none of us be childless next year on Thanksgiving. That's my deepest hope.
19 comments:
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Thanks for letting us know you're okay. I think about you lots.
I found it harder to deal with pregnancy-related stuff while on break, because it felt like we weren't doing anything to move towards pregnancy, whereas even when I was having shitty cycles, at least we were Doing Something, you know?
Anyhoo. *HUGS*, and I hope you can have a peaceful rest-of-your-break.
(and enjoy the no vitamins and temping!)
completely understandable. I agree with the above statement-- thank you for letting us know you are okay.
God knows I (and I am sure many of us) know about that blogger soul sucking vortex. goddess bless you for stepping away.
Take care of YOU.
casey
Take all the time you need away. During my multiple breaks it was such a weight off my shoulders not to have to take my vitamins everyday or take my temp every morning. We aren't starting up again until January either so we can start the New Year off together :)
happy to hear you are okay!
For the last 3 years, I've had a hard time being anywhere else but here in this TTC world. It's good that you're taking a break and letting yourself be yourself. I'd love to hear more about your job if you're willing/able to discuss it.
I'm so glad to read your post. I think it makes a lot of sense to step back from the blogs if you feel like they're too hard/time consuming/painful/whatever to read right now. You have to do what's right for you. And I understand how you can feel "stuck" in the blogs too - there's a lot of intensity of emotion coming from a lot of directions and it's probably not healthy to stay in that intense place all the time.
I'm glad you're getting a break from cycle day counting, vitamin taking and general obsessing. I miss my pre-ttc self too and sometimes wonder if I can find her.
January will be here soon and hopefully your break will have given you some new perspective that you can rely on or at least you'll feel more relaxed. We'll be ready to welcome you back to blogland however and whenever you're ready.
Great to hear from you - I've been thinking about you guys so much.
Take all the time you need - I hope this break is as rejuvinating as you need it to be.
Peace
Glad to read that you are ok. We are pretty much on the same cycles (and pausing until Jan/Feb.) I also find it mind-bogging how time consuming ttc is. I would have already been the doc three times in the last week, so a pausing is just what the doc should prescribe. Good luck and happy holidays!
I am happy to hear from you. I understand about the need to hide from the blogs. I hope that January comes soon for you and that really enjoy the non-vitamin poping and some champane drinking this holdiay season. We will all be here when you want to come back. I personally, am really excited for when you start trying again. xoxo L.
Well I am glad you are keeping yourself busy while you are on a break. It will make the time fly much faster! I know what you mean by being obsessed with TTC blogs. I can't help it either. I don't even know why I would keep torturing myself with happy endings after every negative we got, but I did.
Anyway Happy Thanksgiving!!
Blogging has always been a double-edged kind of sword for me. I COMPLETELY understand.
Enjoy your break. I somehow, inadvertently managed to find myself breaking during the same two months as you. So--here's to January for both of us!
(PS charting and vitamins have gone by the wayside for quite some time and I love that)
Glad to hear from you! Breaks are good and much needed. We're here for you when you want to come back!
PS MONDAY is December 1st!
it's so good to hear from you, and im glad youre taking the break. I am hopefully coming off my 3-4 month (forced) break in a few weeks, and enjoyed not obsessing about things. Of course, after a few months, I am now dying to get back in the saddle. :)
I agree with you. I thought that our break would be magical wonderful and healing, instead I think it is making me fear things more.
Stay away as long as you need, we will all be here for you to continue cheering you on when you get back.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving :)
xxoo
Yeah its already December!
I totally understand taking a blogging break too...TTC is so energy-intensive and draining. Hope your break is feeling restorative!
I'm glad you are good...
I am hoping 2009 is a WHOLE NEW YEAR for you girl. xoxo
Hi there. Wanted to send you a quick note that I emailed you. :)
hey- I should have written this post since I have been a bit of a blog avoider as of late myself. I think you said it so well: this online community is both a blessing and a curse and there are definitely times when I need to stay away. Maybe this is one of them, maybe I just have not learned to manage my internet time well, maybe it's the holidays . . . I don't know. But I do know that I too have been a bit out of it, so we're in this together too.
I hope you are doing well.
oh, how i miss hearing from you! please enjoy the break, and whenever you're ready to come back, i'll be so happy to 'see' you again. :)
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