In other (good) news, my sister is still pregnant. I spent last week taking care of my nephew, so she could stay in bed. I had a GREAT week. Nothing like running after a three year old to keep you "in the moment." She's made it to 37 weeks, medically full term, so she's allowed to get out of bed, they've taken her off the meds, and my second nephew will be here anyday now. (37 is a huge triumph for her - my first nephew came at 30 weeks.)
And ... more answers to your questions:
Tbean asked, "Can you do all the standard gay questions: When did you come out? How was it coming out?"
I didn't come out 'til my late twenties, or maybe more like early thirties ... and I didn't really come out at all, to tell you the truth. I never had any big "this is who I am" conversations. It was more "this is who I'm dating," and then later, when I met my sweetie, "this is who I'm spending my life with." I'd hooked up with (what do the kids call it these days?) some women in college, but never had a relationship with a woman. I had three serious relationships with men, from late teens to late twenties. They were good relationships, but ultimately they weren't the right ones. After the last of those ended, I started dating, and I found myself dating women almost exclusively.
My politics had always been very woman-identified, a lot of my friends were (are) gay, ever since college, so it sort of felt like an evolution for me, not a "coming out." None of my friends were shocked, and I didn't get any bad reactions from friends. I did have some acquaintances who did a double take, had never guessed, were surprised, etc. And it was hard with my parents. They were shocked. (And in their defense, I'd had three long-term relationships with great guys, had never hinted to them that it would ever be different.) My parents struggled for a little while, and I was angry and hurt that they didn't "get it" right away. But I never doubted their love for me, and I think that their fears were more a generational issue than truly homophobic. But if I'm honest, there are still little, leftover wounds (on my end) from those difficult conversations. It didn't help that the woman I first told them about, and introduced them to, was a raging lunatic. Big, big mistake (both the relationship, and introducing her to family). So we had to work that out - how much of it was an objection to my coming out, and how much of it was a legitimate objection to her being a mean, psycho bitch? (Yes, my mom saw it before I did. Sigh.)
Anyway, now I count myself as very, very lucky. My parents love my sweetie, and vice versa, and she's fully accepted and integrated in our family at this point. I identify as a lesbian now, because it makes the most sense. It honors my life and my wife. It certainly makes my goldstar sweetie more comfortable. And it saves me from a lot of stupid conversations I don't want to have. And probably I've still got a bit of internalized bi-phobia. I do think that I'm one of those women that could have ended up with a guy (if he was the right guy) and been fine/happy/etc. But she now seems so distant and remote, the me that was ever straight or bi.
Tbean, "Also, how long have you two been together? Ever had a wedding/ceremony?"
My sweetie and I have been together just over 5 years. We haven't had a ceremony, though I do call her my "wife" to be provocative. We're of the mind that we'll do it when it's legal where we live. We want it to be official, recognized, legitimate, etc. No substitutions or approximations .... (Maybe this is a hangover from being straight so long. I don't want a "second best" ceremony with the love of my life, the thought of that pisses me off, when there were so many years that I could have had a "real" ceremony just by virtue of who I was with at the time.) That's the way we've felt for awhile, anyway. But I think we're starting to soften. A neighboring state recently legalized & it's tempting, even though it wouldn't be legal at home, or confer any rights. (And I get jealous when I see so many of you post your beautiful wedding pictures.) We'll see. But I'm betting baby shower before wedding shower.
7 comments:
I loved the coming out story. It was so seemless (at least in blog form). I also have similar feelings about marriage. funny.
As for the IVF protocol, I am utterly clueless; although I have heard about women doing protocols with Little or no Lupron and BCP's. I have faith that you ovaries will behave much better this time. When will you begin?
Great story. Thanks for posting it!
Good luck with your "drug cocktail!" My fingers are crossed for you that it works.
Oooh. Good story. I'm a little like you. I had two super serious boyfriends before getting together with my wife. My parents had such a hard time when I first came out. They were all: "But you were with MEN!" As if that was the definitive word on the subject. I still identify of bi, although it is more complicated to explain than worth it, most of the time.
Yay for your sister getting to term. I have no wisdom about the new protocol but I fucking hope it works.
I was on the menopur/follistim protocol. I'm not familiar with the 'stop lupron', but it makes sense. And I'm with tbean. I fucking hope it works too!
I'm glad your sister is still pregnant - it sounds like a great visit. I hope your new protocol works - I've definitely got my fingers crossed.
Thanks for sharing your stories - I love reading the details of people's pasts.
I agree on baby shower before wedding shower because that baby shower needs to be soon!
B and I are feeling the same about a ceremony. We want to do it once. If we ever move to a state where it is legal, or if it becomes legal in Michigan, we will absolutely do it, but for now, we are just content in knowing we are meant for each other. =)
9 years in December.
fingers crossed xxooxxoo mulberry
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