Thursday, October 16, 2008
Not playing to type
I had some mild (so mild that I could have been making it up) cramps on days 6/7 and 7/8 past insemination. No accompanying spotting to indicate implantation, but I went to that hopeful place anyway .... So hopeful that I forgot for a couple days to be doubtful, cynical, and resigned. Forgot that I was really just doing attempt #6 to check the box and then move on, that I don't believe deep down that it could work, etc. Today, no cramps, and I've reined in the hope at least part of the way. Nothing I felt earlier this week was any different to things I've felt before, there are no new symptoms, and I'm on a double dose of the total fake-out that is progesterone .... So here I am at day 8/9 past insemination, waiting, fearing the hope.
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16 comments:
It all is mind-numbing. I am also on progesterone and it completely fakes me out, the entire TWW. But, I am still waiting, although I am starting to cramp, so I think by this evening it will offically be another BFN. Still hold out hope for this cycle, it is never over until AF shows up!
Lizzie,
That internal struggle between hope and pessimism hurts, doesn't it? I hope that you can find a comfortable balance between the two for the next few days... I'll be cheering from the sidelines.
In response, I don't know. I was wondering if progesterone would have an effect and I have a call into the nurse. But, I am starting to cramp so maybe it is almost offically over.
The thing is, you just never know when it's going to happen. We are hoping for you.
Oh I hate that fake out progestrone. But I love your cramping symptoms at the perfect time. I hope you find the balance between hope and pessiamism - but that you are able to hold on to the hope. I am cheering for hope and a baby.
For the record, I didn't spot.
And now I'll stop artificially getting your hopes up, because I know how much that sucks. *hugs* Whatever happens, we'll be right here holding your hand and cheering you on.
wish i could hug you from my meeting here in california... oh i hate the hope and i *so* hate the no hope... i guess it is just hard to have emotions at all!
hugs and hope coming your way.
Keeping my fingers crossed and hope alive!!
Remember we made a deal - two BFPs! So, I'll be checking in regularly next week in between POAS to see if you keep up your end of the deal.
Lizzie--I'm on day 12 (as you know) and I just let myself, briefly, this afternoon go over into the hopeful place. I had managed to stay out of it COMPLETELY for the past 12 days. Now I'm pissed at myself. Super pissed.
hugs and love
i'm wishing you the best and sending lots of hope! i completely understand why you don't want to get your hopes up, as i'm sure we all do, so please don't beat yourself up for having that emotion.
sending you fear-free hoping vibes and much loves and hugs.....
I still find the hopeful place comforting even after so many failures. No matter the outcome, at least you've spent a few days happy. That's got to do us good on some level! I hope the cramping was a good sign - I've got everything crossed for you.
I'm all crossed for you. Hoping like heck that this cycle was it!!! xoxo
Please know that I am rooting for you so hard!!
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