The hardest part* is all the energy put into thinking about this little blastocyst (that's what it would be at this point, yes? no?), trying to feel if it is there, eating pineapple so it chooses to stick around, etc. WHEN IT MIGHT NOT EVEN BE THERE. I mean, the sperm connected with the egg, or it didn't, a long time ago, right? Early last week? The day of the IUI or not at all (those frozen guys don't live so long)? And I think the hardest part for me is the living on tenterhooks, sending good thoughts, doing the visualization, eating the right foods, going to acupuncture, taking the right pills, and -- let's be honest, totally obsessing in a way that belies the accomplished, confident woman I usually am (used to be?) -- about SOMETHING THAT MIGHT NOT EVEN BE THERE. It's ok now, because I'm only at 6dpi and we're still in the moment of the
could be. But if it didn't work, my previous BFNs tell me, it's just excruciating. The wasted energy, the tiptoeing, the gained weight, the inhumanly hard two weeks, all for something that probably didn't happen TWO WEEKS PREVIOUSLY.
That said, I've made it through the first six days of this TWW pretty well. Have actually had some stretches of time, up to a couple hours at a go, where I didn't hear the "I wonder if I'm pregnant" voice, which is a big accomplishment.
*Who am I kidding? The hardest part? As if there is only one. Hah. I should have said, Today's hardest part.
9 comments:
Oh yes, I know I know I know. The way I see it is that you are being healthy. I mean, whether you are pregnant or not (and let's say you ARE!), you are treating your body as a temple. This is something we should do everyday. You are doing great and I really hope the next week zooms by for you...
There's something going in the mail for you today...
Right there with you. It is ridiculously hard to put so much love and energy into an unproven idea-of-something, knowing that your heart may break again.
While I've now descended into the "Of course it didn't work how in the world could you have thought otherwise? But maybe it still worked... just maybe..." phase of the TWW, that little bit o' hope is terribly exciting.
Hopefully you'll get to look back at this as the cycle that worked!
Yes! That part sucks so hard. It seems like your body should be able to get the message out a little sooner about whether or not it worked. I mean, obviously some part of your body knows. Can't it share the info?
Hang in there! We've got one more week of the wait left too.
xo
BUT, it might be there!!!! keep eating that pineapple and mcd's egg mcmuffins. i felt a little stupid doing it, but i really think it helped. i have EVERYTHING crossed for you!
I think I wrote this post back in November.
I _so_ get you here. I have a very hard time with the fact that the answer is already decided and I feel like a fool just wishing and hoping and "feeling things" for 12 days only to find out it was an illusion. I feel like I get played every time. And I always vow not to fall for it, but I fall for it again and again.
I guess it is just the nature of the process and there is no use fighting it. And in my moments of perspective, I do think that the healthy habits I try to observe are just good things to do overall, even if I'm not harboring a clump of cells at that moment.
Good luck surviving the terrible second week. Your comments about having entire hours not thinking about it...so right there with you. I teach, so usually if I'm teaching for 75 minutes I'll be able to get it out of my head. Then as soon as I walk out of the classroom, it comes back. And I miss my brain's distraction and "break" from the monotony of wondering ever.five.seconds.
Hang in there babe.
Thinking of you as you negotiate today's hardest part and hoping you won't have to do it again for a long, long time.
Good luck - this part can be pretty excutiating. It sounds like you are doing everything right. You've got license to take it easy and only do things that are going to make you feel heathly and strong. I hope the time flies.
I'm sending sticky thoughts!!!
We are rooting for you. We are 6dpi also. Lot's of good energy going out into the universe for both of us.
Yup-- I think you hit it right on the head. There are times when I get so angry thinking back on all the drinks I said no to, all the times I had a headache but toughed it out just so I could avoid taking medication JUST IN CASE. But I think the other commenters are right-- what we're doing is healthy, even if we're not pregnant in any given month. Here's hoping this is your last tww in a while.
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