Note to self: You are an accomplished professional who is so on top of things in every other area of your life. You need to think about why you come completely undone by this process, and why you let yourself ruin so many days, lose so many days wallowing and feeling like shit because of this scan or that. You just wasted an entire day, didn't get any work done, cried and felt sorry for yourself because of your appointment this morning. And then the nurse calls and just says "stay on course." You need to figure out how to get a grip. Second note to self: Stop with the self-loathing. Third note to self: Even if you don't want to hear it, you need to sit quietly and listen to the universe. Figure out why everything around the TTC process feels sad and difficult and painful and never-ending and debilitating. And why everything thus far around the adoption process has felt good and affirming and hopeful and even energizing.
Question to the IVP .... Is 139 still a pretty low E2? What do you think?
Oh, and yes, for good measure, I am injecting the F.ollistim only on the right side as per the old wives' old domestic partners' tale, but I think it goes in the pineapple and Egg Mc.Muffi.n category. Totally apocryphal. As in, I'll do it, but I won't believe it.
10 comments:
For the number of follicles, it's very low.
Basically: E2 is etradiol, a form of estrogen, which is put out by your eggs as they grow. The more mature they are, the more E2 they put out. For a mature, ready to ovulate egg, most doctors like to see around/at least 200 per egg, though my doctor is okay with 150 (and I've read vague mentions that women who are overweight may have lower numbers).
So, given the number of eggs that you have, it's low. Not horribly so; it indicates that things are growing, but you're not near ovulating yet.
If you have more E2 questions, feel free to e-mail me, twohotmamas at gmail. :) *hugs lots*
The thing about this process is that it is completely and utterly tied up in our physical selves, and so it is not just failing to do something, it is failing, and it is so hard to separate that from us, when it IS us. That's what I feel, anyway.
Losing a day (or week) to a TTC setback is totally understandable (though I was pretty pissed to lose a beautiful, 70 degree Saturday to it this week). We've all been there plenty. I wish it didn't have to happen too, but I think N is right, it's very personal. It's hard not knowing how to solve a problem and having to give so much up to chance.
In any event, I am glad that the nurse was unconcerned and you can likely get this cycle over with soon. Maybe you'll end up with an unbelievable surprise, you never know.
4th note to self: You are doing everything you can do, you have not been doing anything wrong and all of your feelings are justified.
I agree with the others. Let time run it's course and let your body do what it's supposed to. The numbers will go up!
For reference my CD7 E2 this cycle was 235 and by CD10 it was up to 860.
I never did figure out how to not lose my mind while doing fertility treatments and I had over two years of practice. I did notice when we switched clinics to one that I had confidence in that my stress went way down. Happy that you are back on track with this cycle and hopefully those eggs on the right step up.
I'm too much of a newbie to have anything meaningful to say other than I'm thinking of you. Take care.
pineapple and egg mcmuffin (on 7 dpo) worked for me....just saying. ;)
There is nothing easy about any of this. I think you are doing a great job maintaining your sanity. I don't have a clue about E2 (the first exposure I had to it was during my IVF cycle and I got totally conflicting from the nurses then).
I know emotionally you are feeling not on top of everything... but really for TTC I think you are doing everything right, with a diligence and persistence that is remarkable. Your feelings of pain and despair are natural given the stress, not a sign of lack of character. It sucks to have the days that feel lost though. I'm glad to hear the cycle is still on and hope you have a better day today!
Oh LIzzie...i could have written this post. SO many days have been lost to a ttc stupor. And then the self loathing kicks in and then the loathing for the self loathing. And down we go again. I get it. I really really do. Be gentle with yourself. hugs.
Not cancelling the cycle is a good sign. I don't know anything about the E2 numbers, but I have everything crossed for you!
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