So very, very good

Our first meeting with our adoption counselor was today. We loved her, love the agency, feel secure in the (long) process. It was so great & afterward we went to lunch & I was so happy. My sweetie could see it all over my face. My deep sadness over each failed insem has been so hard on her for so many months. This felt different. And my sister told me this afternoon on the phone that she can tell something has shifted. Whether it is because the inseminations aren't as expensive this year, or because we also have the adoption plan, or both, I just sound different and lighter to her. It's true. I am a lot calmer. 

I still keep meaning to do a full post on our adoption process, but keep running out of time. We are attending a full day class at the agency on Saturday, so I'm sure there will be more to report then. In brief, we are doing private agency adoption, not foster to adopt. Domestic, not international. Open, not closed. (I can get in to all those choices later.) There are lots of gay couples that use this agency and I have never, not ever, interacted with an institution that was more accepting of our family. Whole post on this later. But it is the most amazing thing. It's actually a misrepresentation of them to say they are good on the gay thing. In truth, they are so good that it disappears. I don't know if that makes sense. I feel like our different-ness is invisible. They see us as a couple, as a family. Without the adjective in front: "gay family" or "same-sex family." I feel totally unremarkable and un-remarked-upon. To say they are good on this issue implies that there is an issue to be good about. And there doesn't seem to be an issue at all. I'm not being very articulate, I'm sorry. But it is amazing and it is unlike anything I have yet experienced in the health care world/insemination world. 

Anyway, I'll stop there. More on this later. But we are very excited. I actually had a strange thought today. If I were to get pregnant, I would be over the moon OF COURSE, but part of me would be a little sad not to have a baby through adoption. That is the old me. I used to always want to adopt. It got lost somewhere over the last year of TTC, but it feels so good to find it again. Anyway, the ironic thing is that now, with our hard-won insurance coverage, doing IVF would cost less than adopting (!!). And the adoption will probably take 18 months (that's an average, who knows?) So we are definitely still moving forward on both fronts. We will take whatever blessing comes our way. And I do believe that our baby will find us.