I love acupuncture. Really love acupuncture. I came home feeling all relaxed. Yesterday crabby, today zen.
Yesterday (5dpo if you believe FF, 4dpo if you believe me) I had some cramping. But that's too early to mean anything. I don't want to go too far down that road. In my screwed up world of psychology and superstition, it hurts less when it doesn't work if you didn't really believe it could happen in the first place. Not true, really. But it's how I protect myself ....
I'm at the beginning stages of making a plan. A switch away from the feminist health clinic that I feel so good about philosophically, but isn't providing enough services. They didn't tell me to have a full bladder before an IUI. They obviously don't have the stiffer cannula that I've since heard about for a woman with a difficult-to-locate-inner-os. They don't have a doctor come in and fix it if the health worker can't find the freakin' os. They look at the sperm through a microscope but they don't measure counts or motility, or give me any numbers. They don't monitor to see what side I'm ovulating on (we suspect I've got issues on the left side). In short, they are a woman-centered, friendly, low-tech, non-invasive place. They have a looooong history of getting sperm into lesbians, long before places would even sell sperm to single women. (And it must be working for them, because they have a long waiting list and people do get pregnant there!) Basically, they are everything I love about alternative health care. It's empowering, they let you insert your own speculum, for godssake. BUT they assume fertility and aren't aggressive and they just may not be what I need.
I feel like I'm gearing up for a break up. I could list one hundred things that are right about you and why I want to remain loyal and keep giving this a try. But it's just not doin' it for me anymore. So I'm outta here. It's scary to leap off this bridge into the big, bad world of self-pay (our insurance doesn't cover fertility stuff OF ANY KIND and the nice feminist clinic is on a sliding scale).
Where'd my zen go? Can you back to your acupuncturist later the same day and ask for a refill?
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
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5 comments:
If it's not working for you, it's not. But it is hard when so much DOES work.
And I'm right with you on the feeling like it hurts less if you don't believe. HAR. I can't break myself of it, though.
(doesn't help with the fact that I've been uncomfortably bloated and crampy all day.)
Definitely go where the treatment protocol and options are the best fit for you and your needs. But, to give you the other side...last summer my wife and I relocated. Our old location had just the kind of women/lesbian centered low-tech clinic of which you speak. Our new location has nothing but fancy REs and fertility centers. We miss having a choice between the two kinds of care and RE's certainly bring with them their own agendas and their own issues.
Bottom line though, if you are unhappy with the current care you are getting, GO somewhere else. Definitely.
Definitely find a place that meets your needs. You deserve it.
We use our family doctor for inseminations, and we've often talked about switching to something more high tech. I think once you get into this process, there are so many unknowns that patience is almost impossible. I was really committed to trying for a year without intervention when we started TTC, but after two erratic cycles with late (day 23-25) ovulation, I demanded Clomid. Do what you have to do, sister. :)
Oh how I wrestled with each and every break up. Switching the known donor for a clinic; switching natural IUIs to medicated ones; switching from IUI to IVF.
I hate break ups. I'm rubbish at them. Idither and procrastinate.
I've wasted so much time.
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